Samhain Releasing Negativity Ritual

So, glanced through my new books and googled around online a bit for a friend and have noticed releasing negativity is something quite common to be doing during a Samhain ritual. I think I need that right now. I have been very depressed lately, even called in sick to work twice this week just because I didn't want to be bothered with people or the world in general. I just feel like shutting out the world for a while...I don't really know why though so I really hope I can relax and this ritual, along with focusing on the things I do enjoy in life, will help lift my spirits a little....

Look What Came Home With Me

Well, wandered into the local occult shop once again before doing groceries (badbadbad LOL) and found this adorable little beauty that just simply HAD to come home with me...and for only $15 at least it wasn't budget breaking.

Couldn't resist...Mini cauldron/candle holder with ivy and a rat...Yea, he was coming home with me even if he was $30 LOL I also bought a new book. It was relatively lower priced as well, and fitting for the season - especially since I don't know what I'm doing yet...

A Witch's Halloween by Gerina Dunwich

Don't know much about her but I asked and was told she's a good, bare simple, writer with no complaints LOL Hopefully will give me some ideas for a simple ritual to do!

Check out Dead Frontier!

Figured this was quite appropriate for the tme of year, and it'd also be sweet to have some friends to play with sometimes LOL

Check out Dead Frontier!: Dead Frontier is the ultimate survival horror MMORPG. Log in and play with thousands of real players from around the globe as you struggle for survival in a zombie infested city. Welcome to hell!

November Will Be BUSY

Well, some of you out there may have already guessed why my November will be busy for me. NaNoWriMo!!

For those of you out of the loop: National Novel Writing Month I have my basics for my story and am working on the details over these last two weeks of October. I am super excited and hope I win this year! Last year I got a little over halfway and became seriously ill and even after getting better I had insane writer's block for the genre I was using and couldn't finish in time. This year I am planning ahead and have a desktop and iTouch wallpapers of the daily word count goals to keep track of. I'm also thinking of getting some fun crafty supplies and making a physical calendar to hang up in my room.

Anyone else in for NaNo this year??

I Feel So.....Lost...

Ugh...Today has been a bad day for thinking. I called in sick because my back has been feeling like a sledge hammer went at it and then someone shoved in several scalding hot rods horizontally....since Wednesday. My own stupidity for carrying home a 30lb bag of Yesterday's News litter I suppose...The only reason I forced myself through Thursday is because I wasn't losing my $30/hr holiday pay. I took 3 Advil 500s, an extra strength Motrin, and two Tylenol 1s during a 12hr period and never found full relief - and never had any reaction, proving my stupidly high tolerance for pain meds I guess - so today when I woke up with the same burning pain, I called in sick. I did manage to kill some pain long enough to bus it over to Walmart to get some good groceries and some extra things I was running low on to pass some time, but am in quite intense pain once again but really cannot afford to take more time off...I had wanted to get in some over time this weekend as it was!

All this aside, I feel like my life is in this massive turmoil, and dwelling on it just seems to make time even more constricting. I want to work on drawings and over due art projects, and then I have writing that needs to be worked on, as well as my comic, and then my Wiccan studies on and offline, personal studies, work, trying to maintain some form of friendships, my animals, things around the house, and then all internal stuff...I want to be pregnant - I know that sounds odd but hubby and I have talked and if it happens we'll be prepared and happy and I'm more than mentally and physically ready (might explain some of the stupid over eating lately too) but then there's so much in between stuff too...Like our plan as of right now is to be saving up to rent a place in Sarnia while he works to get his red seal and then we'll buy a house in Peterborough...I can very well envision us getting stuck in Sarnia though, renting, and never being able to afford the house we want elsewhere and I am done with jumping from place to place...I almost think that's another reason I've been so easily spending all my money...It's stuff I've wanted for years, or things I need for my animals, but I think a lot of it has to do with not wanting to rent there, or live there really...I love it there, but I can see us getting sucked in and stuck there, and I am not letting that happen...I can't...

I dunno though...my mind is so busy and unsettled lately. The meditation classes are helping short term, but definitely does not last long enough....

Too Little Time!

Bah! So, I had meant to take last night and today to work on my super scary Hallowe'en story for All Hallow's Grim party, but I've been so stinking busy! I did; however, get a fun drawing in...Not sure if it really counts though *sighs*

I WILL have something up before Hallowe'en though. It's my favourite holiday of the year and I do have a fun idea I've been thinking about the past few days, just haven't been able to get it on paper Bah!

Pagan Pub Moot

Had a really fun time tonight. Got to chit chat with the owners of the occult shop here along with a few other that come to the moots regularily. Had a couple drinks and some sweet potato fries LOL Also got a ride home from the shop owner haha They live very close by to me, even more close to where I work funnily enough so instead of me waiting 40min for a bus, they drove me home...Right to the door, and she wouldn't pull away until I was inside LOL I wanted to shout back 'thanks mom' hehe

It's such an awe feeling to finally have a large community of other Pagans/Wiccans and to be able to correspond with them at any given time really, online or in person this way. I really hope they get some other events together and I can attend. I am still angry I missed Pagan Pride by a week before I knew there even was a public community! LOL

There is a lot I want to study and look into now though. I'm eclectic, very eclectic, but have only studied a couple different writings (Cunningham mostly, some Buckland, and some randoms) and am not the type to fall into a strict 'type', but with they way they talked it's like I'm going to, or nearly like I have to....I fell in love with Wicca, as a big part, because it wasn't a strict religion basis like Christianity, etc.....that if you didn't follow something to the letter, you were going to Hell (not that I believe in Heaven or Hell, but using it as a base comparison). I did find out why they don't like Corellion though, and they have valid reasons to feel that way but just told me to be careful mainly. It was still a discussion though on specific paths...Gardinarian (which seemed frowned upon too), Alexandrian, etc. which I don't understand...I know there are several groups out there in the world who follows these old specifics, but I don't....I like the ability to pick and choose certain things...In my opinion, all of Wiccan and Pagan beliefs stem from one thing "Do No Harm, and Do What Ye Will" and that's pretty much the only strict rule in it all...There is the 13 "laws" or whatever you want to call them, but they fall under for every "type" or "path" I thought...I thought it was mainly ritual type, God and Goddess worshipped, and minor details that separated these different groups....I like being able to modify other's rituals for my liking, or substituting another herb with the same qualities when desired without breaking some sort of a rule like it sounds like I am....It's confusing.

Wickedly Delightfully Fun!

Well, dear Magaly is at it again! For the 1013th time *snickersnicker* she is holding the All Hallow's Grim Party! I simply adore Hallowe'en so simply had to join in the creeperific fun this year! I am digging up a scary post of my own to post up sometime between the 12th and 14th hopefully with some personal art as well.

Now, I'm posting here today to announce an awesome contest involved as well! Fly on over to All Hallow's Grim Giveaway at Pagan Culture and check out the goodies to be had!!!

All Hallow's Eve is just getting under way folks!

Weak for Willow

Well, I began my day this morning by hopping on the bus to go do some shopping. I stopped downtown first to browse one of the occult shops before heading all the way across town to get groceries and other heavy stuff. I grabbed Cunningham's Book of Shadows - One day I will own each and every one of his published works! - and then oogled over some Faerie figurines and wands. There were several for only $30 - $60, hand carved and very pretty. I knew I would be tight on budget since I had a total of 3 sick days off this pay check so didn't want to buy before getting everything else and sorting things out.
So, I bought my book and bid farewell to the wands and very lovely ladies that own the shop and said I'd probably be back in the afternoon. I bussed across town and spent about 2hrs getting some clothes, little things, and groceries and of course a large chunk of that being spent on the bus itself. So, I get back downtown...and I go for it. I went back into the shop - groceires laoded into my backpack and large re-usable shopping bag...and VERY heavy I might add....and I buy it. I love it.

Hand carved Willow wood and I simply adore it. Now, I know wands are better created yourself but I've tried before and I'm not a wood person...oddly enough being that is my last name LOL Either way, it's the best priced hand carved wand I've seen and it was meant for me. When I came back in the owner said I was lucky since her sister was coming to pick up the wands she had in store to sell in her own store in Salem and she was surprised she hadn't come for them yet as she had been suppose to come around lunch time, and it was now close to 3PM when I made it back there. My wand waited for me :)

I also have some exciting news. I will be able to attend the monthly Pub Moots they have here. The owners of the shop are also the ones who run the local Pagan events and things. I was - and still am - upset I work the day they're doing a big feast dinner for Samhain and will have to try and find something small to do for the da itself since I work until 9:30 or 10PM...but I am so happy that I can make it to these moots at least and be a part of an actual local Pagan thing for the first time in my life! I can't wait and the pub they meet at is right down town so I can bus over and they end about 30min before the last bus goes back over so I can catch it home!

Meditation

So, I've been taking baby steps into finding myself again. I am going to work on the 52 Days of Pagan Journaling project and catch up, but am not setting myself dates to complete...Just go with the flow of when I find myself wanting to paint. I tried working on an over-due project last night and got a quarter of the way through the page I was working on and just set it aside. I wasn't motivated in a creative mood and felt like I was forcing myself to do it. Can't have it feeling like work!
The other thing I am trying to get back into, though, is meditating. I was doing a simple basics class online and have decided to start back over on week one of it and go through it again as I never actually made it through the entire "course". I would like to be able to meditate on a regular basis and already know one of my favourite meditation visions that I'll post up here at the end. I just have a lot of trouble blocking out noise and interrupting thoughts, so am wanting to go through the class atmosphere for it. Might try and find a good book for it as well, suggestions greatly appreciated, when I stop in at the one occult store this weekend. Won't have much extra to spend, but want to get a few items for a simple Samhain ritual to do after work...since I work that day....grr LOL

That aside, I'm slowly preparing for NaNoWriMo this year (National Novel Writing Month for those who don't know the acronym well) and am thinking the little Faerie story I had been working on last year would be the perfect candidate for this year's NaNo since I only ever got a couple pages done in it and wanted to re-write it anyway. I am determined to make it to the 50k mark this year though! Last year I almost got to 30k before I had a huge block on the genre I was writing. This year, it being purely Fantasy and Faerie based should make it much more fun and free to write for me.
I am also trying to work on a comic. It's zombie apocalypse based, called After Death. I don't have a full story line for it, so have been trying to work on it more thoroughly while I decide which drawing style I want to be doing it in. I kind of want to do it all chibi form, but found this simplistic and semi-dark style I enjoy too, just been having trouble with using it for all character types. I haven't had much patience for drawing lately, so don't want to get frustrated with the project, so just sticking with the behind the scenes info for now.

Anywhoo, I want to try and keep this blog updated on a regular basis as well. I've missed communicating with you all. I'v missed having other people out there that follow even a fraction of the beliefs I do. My ex-rommate and I have started talking a little bit again over facebook, but I don't trust her or plan on hanging out with her any time soon again, so it's nice having somewhere to come where me talking about rituals and Faeries and things won't get me judged or put away LOL
So yea, here's the meditation I was talking about. I love it.

This meditation provides a form of grounding. 

Light a candle in your meditation space. Breathe in for seven, hold for four, breathe out for seven. Repeat this pattern for a few minutes. Concentrate on your breathing.

Imagine that you are sitting in a forest glade with your back against a tree. Dappled light shines down on you through fresh green leaves. You can smell the scent of moss and pine, and feel the gentle rub of bark against your back.
Slowly allow yourself to become more absorbed into the tree. Feel your back become as one with the bark and fibre of the trunk until you can sense the tree's energy flowing through your body.

Concentrate now on the light pouring down from the sun, through the leaves, the twigs, the branches, and the trunk of the tree. Feel the sun's energy flowing through you as well. For a few moments allow the light to create a sense of well being and vitality as it seeps into your core.

When you are ready, let this energy pas through you, back into the tree, from where you can feel it working it's way downwards; down through the main roots, down to the dark rick soil.

Slowly and gradually become aware of your breathing. Breathe in for seven, hold for four, breathe out for seven. Repeat this pattern for a few minutes.

Come to normal consciousness feeling refreshed and calm. Record your feelings and impressions. 

Picture Update!

Well, figured day two on the new blog should invite some photos. Let you all know how things have been going, and also give a glimpse of the temporary mini altar set up I did up after/during some cleaning and major organization in my room today.

So, first here is my leopard gecko Yoshi. He's 7yrs old, cranky, but cute. He's had a shedding problem since I got him a couple months ago and so here's a cute pic of him in his "sauna" the vet tolf me to test out to get his to shed easier.

He enjoys it, so that's the main part for me, even after he's fully shedded and has nor more issues, I'll probably keep it in there and consider making a bigger one when I upgrade his tank. Here's a basic one of him from earlier to show him a bit better.

I love the way they always look like they're smiling hehe I want to get another one, though not until Yoshi here passes away, as he's never had a tank mate his whole 7yrs from what I understand and I'd hate to cause him stress. Anywhoo, onto my next new reptile. My bearded dragon, Irwin.

He was my roommates, new roomate. She had him and a female from the same clutch as a breeding pair but they fought a lot in the same tank and she felt bad not being able to give them both the same attention. We talked for a while and we are going to try and breed them, but Irwin is mine and will go with me when I move out. He's half German Giant an already three times the size of his sister LOL He's cranky sometimes, but really loves to be held and to run around a safe-proofed room. I can't wait to get him a large terrarium with levels to climb. He has such personality and makes me laugh all the time, especially with his sleeping positions:

and

and

hehehe

So, for a quick update, my rattie boys are doing wonderfully. My Siamese boys Smeagol and Hoggle have gotten so huge! They aren't cuddly bums like Trouble but run to greet me at the cage doors and will tolerate being picked up and petted. Trouble is still a massive sucky boy, and nearing his 2yr mark, next month. I don't know his exact birth date, but it is November sometime. He's on meds, Baytril, for an upper respiratory infection and it's doing well. I don't even want to fathom when he won't be with us anymore. On a softer note though, Lyndsy (runs the rescue I adopted Trouble from and we talk ALL the time) has a little boy there waiting for me to come and get him, along with another one possibly depending how adoptions go and when I'm able to make the 2hr drive/ride. He's a cutie, no name yet though lol Here's a pic of my current three boys for those who don't know or forget:

Yes, that is butterflies and Skelanimals in their cage heehee I ordered a liner set and hammock from an awesome woman on the Rat Shack forum. I HAD to have these patterns, no matter how girly XD Cannot wait to order another set too! I plan on getting a littler box set up (they can be poop litter trained and these boys should be easy) and another level within the next month, should be exciting!

So, animals aside, things have been insanely busy as I said yesterday. I did; however, go through a TON of organization and cleaning today and managed to make room on my little corner table to make an altar! I'm super excited about that, though need a few candle holders before I can do much, but I have my Faeries out again which makes me feel so much more at ease and fun and relaxed. I swear, I was meant to be a Faerie. LOL 

Anywhoo, altar:

It's sooo much smaller than I want permanently, but I have to deal for now. Something is better than nothing. Also, once I get my art table/desk I plan on putting some of the Faeries and things onto a shelf in a permanent set up with a little offering for the Faeries, and then using this more for small rituals and celebrations. I am soo mad I'm working Hallowe'en and can't make it to the local feast event, but definitely want to do something myself.

So, one last photos I suppose. One of myself. Not something I post often, but I have finally been able to have fun with my hair again and want to show it off. I need to get purple too though lol

I've gained a lot of weight with all that's been happening but have started a new diet this month and plan to get it worked off again. I need to grab another box of bleach for my bangs though LOL and definitely want purple. Purple was my first initial choice as I've done pink before and a lot of people do pink nowadays, but they were sold out of the Manic Panic purple when I bought it, so next time!

So, yea...that's the big updates and things in my life right now. I pulled out my 52 Weeks book and have decided to write down the like 20 weeks I'm missing and keep up to date with them, but to just do them in my own time, no schedule. Try and get one done a week, but not necessary. I want to work on it, I enjoyed it, but don't want to make it a "chore" in such words since I am trying to ease myself back into some of my extra things I miss doing. I don't want to jump onto a bunch of projects and overwhelm myself.

New Home

Well, with everything that has been happening in life lately I have not had a moment to myself for several weeks now. Between shifts changing at work from training to 'in production' and soon to be onto my real shift next week, then getting sick, taking care of a sick animal as well as the rest of my crew - and my roommates for a couple weeks while her and her hubby got married/honeymoon, then onto the few personal things I've been able to work on (my comic and other drawings, the few video games I can still enjoy playing, etc.) I haven't been able to take even the tiniest moment to sit back, breathe, and find solace in anything.

I've been stressed out, depressed, spending way too much money on frivolous things trying to gain some enjoyment out of all this when I should be focusing on the things I already enjoy. Now, this being said the things I stupidly spent money on are things I'll have for a long time or things for my animals out of the larger expenses, but the other junk is not going to make this journey any easier. I miss my hubby. For any of you I've gathered onto this blog that have been following already know, but for those who don't or have forgotten, I'm currently 6hrs away from my hubby. Our visits are short and far between right now and a lot of my depression has been from everything possible getting in the way of having more frequent visits lately.

I know I seem to jump in and out of the Pagan world every month or two, but it just seems like my life falls into disorganization too easily and with my last roommates things sort of went to hell in a matter of speaking. I don't speak with them anymore, and never will. I need to find some better structure for myself. I need to get back into my studies. Only issue there is, I've talked with some people here in town (they own one of the occult shops here and run a ton of pagan events, etc.) some of the online schools I was looking into aren't good...I know everyone's opinion differs, but she openly told me the one site is 'bad news. Stay away from them' and I can feel I can trust her after only being in the shop a couple times and not being able to make it to any of the moots and events yet (and am PISSED I'll be missing the Samhain event from working and add in it's $50 for the whole dinner and event and I just can't afford that right now with the sick days I've had). I do have one girl at work who will be on almost the same shift as me who is Wiccan/Pagan and my new roommate has interests in it and has told me to let her know anytime I'm heading to the shops here in town for anything of that matter. It's cool, but still not a close knit family I'd feel comfortable possibly doing at least sabbat/esbat rituals with. Of course, the Pagan community is HUGE here so I am hoping between joining the local forum for the events, etc. and hopefully getting to go to some of the moots and things someday I will meet some more.
I also still really want to learn Poi. I still have my fake pair tucked away and should bring them out while I wait to order a good pair online. Either way, it was so relaxing and almost felt like a form of meditation to me.
I also haven't touched the 52 Weeks project since before I moved out of my last place. I was enjoying it, but don't have the space to work on it here. My room's not small, just don't want to get paint on anything and don't have anything to use as an art table. I might look into getting a very small one for at the foot of the bed though...We'll see, but I'm super behind and wouldn't have a clue where to catch up from...Might grab the ones I'm missing sometime though for fun and just do them when I feel the need for some relaxing painting, etc or possibly kind of start a new one of my own doing in a more proper book that can hold paint a bit better and use proper water colors so as to not waste a ton of acrylics...We'll see, I do enjoy recycling books for that purpose though and the coil phonebook was a nice choice for ease of use anyway. We'll see, don't want to start too many projects at once, as that seems to be a big issue for me.

I miss having an altar too... I have a tiny table I could use and might, just have a few things stored on it at the moment. Thinking if I get the desk (just looked quick and there's a couple small ones for cheap/free) I can move all the excess stuff and use that as a small altar set up. Have a couple pieces of material for nice altar clothes as well. We'll see though of course. I want to, at the very least, begin meditating daily again. I know a couple of the exercises by heart, but need to review the cleansing ones. I think I'll stay away from the Correlion specific material on the Witch School site, but go through the meditations one and smaller generalized classes. I do enjoy having something structured to do.

Anywhoo, I think I've rambled more than enough for one night. I hope you will all forgive me for blogger hopping. Along with wanting a new fresh start my ex-roommate knows of my last blog and has been trying to get ahold of me at random times so I don't want to post there and am not advertising this blog over there just in case she checks it. I appreciate any and all of you who have followed me here, let alone read any of this post.

Blessed Be