I Feel So.....Lost...

Ugh...Today has been a bad day for thinking. I called in sick because my back has been feeling like a sledge hammer went at it and then someone shoved in several scalding hot rods horizontally....since Wednesday. My own stupidity for carrying home a 30lb bag of Yesterday's News litter I suppose...The only reason I forced myself through Thursday is because I wasn't losing my $30/hr holiday pay. I took 3 Advil 500s, an extra strength Motrin, and two Tylenol 1s during a 12hr period and never found full relief - and never had any reaction, proving my stupidly high tolerance for pain meds I guess - so today when I woke up with the same burning pain, I called in sick. I did manage to kill some pain long enough to bus it over to Walmart to get some good groceries and some extra things I was running low on to pass some time, but am in quite intense pain once again but really cannot afford to take more time off...I had wanted to get in some over time this weekend as it was!

All this aside, I feel like my life is in this massive turmoil, and dwelling on it just seems to make time even more constricting. I want to work on drawings and over due art projects, and then I have writing that needs to be worked on, as well as my comic, and then my Wiccan studies on and offline, personal studies, work, trying to maintain some form of friendships, my animals, things around the house, and then all internal stuff...I want to be pregnant - I know that sounds odd but hubby and I have talked and if it happens we'll be prepared and happy and I'm more than mentally and physically ready (might explain some of the stupid over eating lately too) but then there's so much in between stuff too...Like our plan as of right now is to be saving up to rent a place in Sarnia while he works to get his red seal and then we'll buy a house in Peterborough...I can very well envision us getting stuck in Sarnia though, renting, and never being able to afford the house we want elsewhere and I am done with jumping from place to place...I almost think that's another reason I've been so easily spending all my money...It's stuff I've wanted for years, or things I need for my animals, but I think a lot of it has to do with not wanting to rent there, or live there really...I love it there, but I can see us getting sucked in and stuck there, and I am not letting that happen...I can't...

I dunno though...my mind is so busy and unsettled lately. The meditation classes are helping short term, but definitely does not last long enough....