Well, with everything that has been happening in life lately I have not had a moment to myself for several weeks now. Between shifts changing at work from training to 'in production' and soon to be onto my real shift next week, then getting sick, taking care of a sick animal as well as the rest of my crew - and my roommates for a couple weeks while her and her hubby got married/honeymoon, then onto the few personal things I've been able to work on (my comic and other drawings, the few video games I can still enjoy playing, etc.) I haven't been able to take even the tiniest moment to sit back, breathe, and find solace in anything.
I've been stressed out, depressed, spending way too much money on frivolous things trying to gain some enjoyment out of all this when I should be focusing on the things I already enjoy. Now, this being said the things I stupidly spent money on are things I'll have for a long time or things for my animals out of the larger expenses, but the other junk is not going to make this journey any easier. I miss my hubby. For any of you I've gathered onto this blog that have been following already know, but for those who don't or have forgotten, I'm currently 6hrs away from my hubby. Our visits are short and far between right now and a lot of my depression has been from everything possible getting in the way of having more frequent visits lately.
I know I seem to jump in and out of the Pagan world every month or two, but it just seems like my life falls into disorganization too easily and with my last roommates things sort of went to hell in a matter of speaking. I don't speak with them anymore, and never will. I need to find some better structure for myself. I need to get back into my studies. Only issue there is, I've talked with some people here in town (they own one of the occult shops here and run a ton of pagan events, etc.) some of the online schools I was looking into aren't good...I know everyone's opinion differs, but she openly told me the one site is 'bad news. Stay away from them' and I can feel I can trust her after only being in the shop a couple times and not being able to make it to any of the moots and events yet (and am PISSED I'll be missing the Samhain event from working and add in it's $50 for the whole dinner and event and I just can't afford that right now with the sick days I've had). I do have one girl at work who will be on almost the same shift as me who is Wiccan/Pagan and my new roommate has interests in it and has told me to let her know anytime I'm heading to the shops here in town for anything of that matter. It's cool, but still not a close knit family I'd feel comfortable possibly doing at least sabbat/esbat rituals with. Of course, the Pagan community is HUGE here so I am hoping between joining the local forum for the events, etc. and hopefully getting to go to some of the moots and things someday I will meet some more.
I also still really want to learn Poi. I still have my fake pair tucked away and should bring them out while I wait to order a good pair online. Either way, it was so relaxing and almost felt like a form of meditation to me.
I also haven't touched the 52 Weeks project since before I moved out of my last place. I was enjoying it, but don't have the space to work on it here. My room's not small, just don't want to get paint on anything and don't have anything to use as an art table. I might look into getting a very small one for at the foot of the bed though...We'll see, but I'm super behind and wouldn't have a clue where to catch up from...Might grab the ones I'm missing sometime though for fun and just do them when I feel the need for some relaxing painting, etc or possibly kind of start a new one of my own doing in a more proper book that can hold paint a bit better and use proper water colors so as to not waste a ton of acrylics...We'll see, I do enjoy recycling books for that purpose though and the coil phonebook was a nice choice for ease of use anyway. We'll see, don't want to start too many projects at once, as that seems to be a big issue for me.
I miss having an altar too... I have a tiny table I could use and might, just have a few things stored on it at the moment. Thinking if I get the desk (just looked quick and there's a couple small ones for cheap/free) I can move all the excess stuff and use that as a small altar set up. Have a couple pieces of material for nice altar clothes as well. We'll see though of course. I want to, at the very least, begin meditating daily again. I know a couple of the exercises by heart, but need to review the cleansing ones. I think I'll stay away from the Correlion specific material on the Witch School site, but go through the meditations one and smaller generalized classes. I do enjoy having something structured to do.
Anywhoo, I think I've rambled more than enough for one night. I hope you will all forgive me for blogger hopping. Along with wanting a new fresh start my ex-roommate knows of my last blog and has been trying to get ahold of me at random times so I don't want to post there and am not advertising this blog over there just in case she checks it. I appreciate any and all of you who have followed me here, let alone read any of this post.
Blessed Be
No comments:
Post a Comment